Healing Connections

Guilt vs. Grief

People often tell me they feel guilty when I can see no evidence they did something wrong. Guilt is an emotion associated with violating one's moral code. I frequently hear people say someone else made them feel guilty. Did you know that no one has the power to make you feel any emotion that you do not agree to feel? Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." When it comes to feelings, attitudes and choices, having a good understanding of boundaries is essential to knowing what is and isn't your responsibility. Being able to distinguish what is and isn't yours to own is very liberating, empowering in fact. It engenders self-confidence and alleviates undue stress. I once had a friend who lamented how guilty she felt for deciding to reenter the workplace and leave her children with a sitter. The decision to go back to work had been an agonizing one for her and her husband. This couple determined having a double income was necessary and in their family's best interest. In the course of our discussion, my friend realized it was actually sadness and grief that she was feeling. She came to understand that, although she was mourning the loss of time she could now spend with her children, she hadn't violated her moral code and did not need to feel guilty.